When you get asked to do something, Possibly a meal or night out, Do you ever find yourself saying yes before you’ve even checked your bank balance to see if you can even afford this? Maybe you go ahead anyway because you don’t want to appear flaky or unreliable. no one likes a flake off. While you’re at the meal you can’t stop thinking about how you shouldn’t be spending what you can’t afford because you’ve already made another promise to someone else. The rest of the month you wish you had just checked your bank balance before agreeing to something. I hate to say it but You only have yourself to blame for this…
You will tend to find yourself in situations you feel forced into, giving up your free time to fit into other people’s plans, you will often find that some people take advantage of this and the minute you tell them you have something else planned, that’s when they put the guilt trip on to you. Because you are the person who goes along with everything – they don’t understand what could be more important than their plans right?
This is something I’ve been guilty of, Finding myself in situations I’ve felt trapped in. Trying to people please all of the time and agreeing to other people’s plans means you’re only doing yourself harm so adopting a more choosy approach isn’t a bad thing.
Why do some of us find using the word ‘No’ so damn awkward? Well, No, is a pretty powerful word and when used constructively, can free you of a lot of the BS. I tend to say yes too many things and feel almost guilty if I can’t cater to something when asked. I triple booked one day and ended up rushing from one appointment to the other feeling deflated and annoyed which meant I must have been rubbish company anyway. I came to the conclusion that I’d be more content if I stop trying to subconsciously people please and just start saying no. Not to everything of course, just being a bit more choosy.
What can you do to take action?
Think about it – Just take a step back so you can think a little first. Next time you’re being asked something, Ask yourself…Can I afford this? Do I want to spend my time doing that? Is this productive, Will this make me happy? Let that person know you will need to check your schedule/bank account first before making plans.
Make your own plans – this can be anything from joining a dance class/painting class to volunteering. This will give you more control over how you spend your time.
Make plans with your friends –
Take the reigns once in a while and plan something epic with your friends. This will prove to them and yourself that you’re not just a pretty face, taking the lead role in the group and carrying out a successful plan will give them more confidence in you.
Spend time alone – Alone time is a huge thing for me. Although I love spending time with my boyfriend/friends, I adore my alone time and find that this is my most productive time. I used to be almost fearful to be alone but now I’m comfortable with myself and look forward to these rare moments I spend alone.
Switch off – This can also disturb your alone time too. You get those people who simply cannot stop messaging friends, if you are the easy going one in the group then you may find yourself frequently being on the other end of endless messaging. Make a point of ditching the tech after a certain point in the evening.
Test out your magic word – This one may sound silly but it actually works. Start using the word NO. When you’re at work for, instance if someone is asking more of you than you feel you can take on (probably because you keep saying yes) then use this situation to politely decline. You won’t look heartless or terrible, if fact you will probably earn yourself some respect and in future, that person will be more thoughtful when asking you. Use this technique in everyday situations. I had the issue of taking on tasks at work even though I clearly couldn’t manage my workload and I would agree to these things in an all too happy manor. When you’re not able to follow through on promises then people start to tire of it , You will end up losing people’s trust and confidence in you. Being honest let’s others know you are in control and set’s their expectations for what you can manage/produce.